I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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