but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
