At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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