I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so let's talk penis.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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