so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
