dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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