People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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