Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
