I'm going to jail i love you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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