Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
