she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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