I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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