i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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