Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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