Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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