So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
