if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
