part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
