I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
