i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
