My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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