It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just high enough for therapy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
