Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
