I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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