My Higher Power is John Stamos
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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