Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately