he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia