I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He felt like a one man threesome
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.