I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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