fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
