Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
