Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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