I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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