Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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