I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
