the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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