I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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