So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
