Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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