its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
