I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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