i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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