glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
