um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.