Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal

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  (406): i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal http://tfl.nu/k627
  Replies (36) Good night (5658) Bad night (780)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9753) Bad night (1400)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.

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  (480): this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking. http://tfl.nu/0htm
  Replies (7) Good night (4302) Bad night (1062)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan

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  (727): And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/mm2g
  Replies (7) Good night (2199) Bad night (734)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.

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  (864): We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger. http://tfl.nu/jvyn
  Replies (3) Good night (1847) Bad night (541)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.

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  (904): you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/a9rr
  Replies (9) Good night (2820) Bad night (991)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.

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  (613): She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone. http://tfl.nu/b8gy
  Replies (9) Good night (2589) Bad night (768)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

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  (215): I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident. http://tfl.nu/6tc4
  Replies (13) Good night (1700) Bad night (754)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.

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  (330): Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/sax7
  Replies (7) Good night (748) Bad night (2513)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.

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  (847): Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite. http://tfl.nu/nf89
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (551)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.

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  (661): I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body. http://tfl.nu/1u6s
  Replies (1) Good night (834) Bad night (398)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.

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  (508): Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada. http://tfl.nu/kq1p
  Replies (5) Good night (332) Bad night (823)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day

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  (613): If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day http://tfl.nu/i6y7
  Replies (0) Good night (419) Bad night (295)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.

  (1-226): View more from Ontario

  I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.

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  (226): Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor. (1-226): I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again. http://tfl.nu/8udg
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (252)
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  (699): View more from

  woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night

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  (699): woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night http://tfl.nu/b4fw
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (213)

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