Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.

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  (248): I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard. http://tfl.nu/wcz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1337) Bad night (475)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.

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  (724): He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him. http://tfl.nu/jd1k
  Replies (23) Good night (3246) Bad night (777)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me

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  (773): im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me http://tfl.nu/r5gz
  Replies (14) Good night (844) Bad night (4504)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  there was naked duck duck goose

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how does that even get suggested?!

  (815): View more from Illinois

  after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

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  (815): there was naked duck duck goose (703): how does that even get suggested?! (815): after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal http://tfl.nu/ykdy
  Replies (20) Good night (7755) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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  (401): You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice. http://tfl.nu/tgfk
  Replies (2) Good night (2592) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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  (724): the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street http://tfl.nu/sbee
  Replies (13) Good night (4539) Bad night (1489)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

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  (720): Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend http://tfl.nu/9h3j
  Replies (5) Good night (3396) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.

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  (917): level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed. http://tfl.nu/i2kx
  Replies (25) Good night (4275) Bad night (2553)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.

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  (330): It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this. http://tfl.nu/6tb8
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (1168)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.

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  (778): Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP. http://tfl.nu/dcb2
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.

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  (715): I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve. http://tfl.nu/cch7
  Replies (3) Good night (1066) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Like really drunk?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?

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  (865): I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink (615): Like really drunk? (615): Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink? http://tfl.nu/tnlr
  Replies (1) Good night (825) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition

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  (510): I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition http://tfl.nu/332c
  Replies (4) Good night (557) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.

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  (870): I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad. http://tfl.nu/fd99
  Replies (0) Good night (213) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME

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  (716): Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME http://tfl.nu/yk5a
  Replies (6) Good night (519) Bad night (195)

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