In the future we'll all be gay
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.