Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex