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• (253): View more from Washington

  um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street

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• (619): View more from California

  He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh and I threw up on myself...

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• (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (813): View more from Florida

  just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.

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