it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
