Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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