Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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