I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
