I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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