Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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