Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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