My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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