I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
