god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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