sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
