the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
