whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my poor anus
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize