What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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