Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
