My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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