Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
