So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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