I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
God, I missed his penis.
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