Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
