i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Mom said you looked used
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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