nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
