I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize