Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
