my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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