i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
