they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i think i just lost a toe
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
