well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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