No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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