I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
